is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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