The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
