I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
