it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
