Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
