Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
