Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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