That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
