it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
