i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
farters have to be the big spoon...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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