Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
