one two three fourrrrnication!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
