idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
