how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
