Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's blow job season.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
