it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
