Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
