Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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