beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
