she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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