Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
