You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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