Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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