When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
