(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize