She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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