Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
