She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
