There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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