If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He passed out mid-signature
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
