I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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