omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize