great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
