just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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