went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
