I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
