i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do vagina's smell?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Randomize
