I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
