I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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