Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize