i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think my moral compass just broke
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