You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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