you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
