I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
