dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
