So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
