he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
