my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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