I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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