I puked a lego.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
