why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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