Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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