i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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