I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I party with great urgency now.
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