We named our party play list daddy issues
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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