I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
