How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
