If i come over, it means nothing
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
