I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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