My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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