morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
