she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
