At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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