Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
