The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
