i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
accomplished twins. life is a go
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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