I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
