I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
