Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
