it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
