I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
