We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
