where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize