i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm passing your future prison.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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