If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
