OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
