I'm gonna have a badass scar
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
