I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.