I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.