you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought