If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.