I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.