I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
