i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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