I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
